Source Type: Song
Have you been in love? How does it feel like to go through the crest and trough of the relationship? It is indeed an eye opener to realize that there is model developed by Mark Knapp, Model of Relationship Development, which describes the progression of relationship as a series of 10 stages. If you have heard the song ‘Love Story’ by Mariah Carey, you would most likely agree that the lyrics closely resemble the type of relationship that most youngsters experience. Interesting enough, it follows the two phases of coming together (stages 1-5) and coming apart (stages 6-10) as described by Knapp.
Coming together (stages 1-5):
The song begins with ‘Boy meets girl and looks in her eyes.’ which depicts the Stage 1 of Initiating. This is the stage in which the very first interaction takes place. Very often, both parties will try to present themselves in the most favorable light, as someone who is attractive, so that they would be able to be accepted by the person of the opposite gender. Very soon, they skipped a stage and reached Stage 3 of Intensifying, as the lyrics continue with ‘Time stands still and two hearts catch fire. Off they go rollercoaster ride. Up & down and around. Twisted all out they minds.’ It is the most exciting stage with the highest level of satisfaction where the two parties increase their disclosure of feelings as well as physical contact. When the song continues and mention the following words ‘And then his friends’ and ‘And then her friends’, it shows that the couple’s social networks begin to associate them as a joined social entity. At this point of time when they are recognized as one relational unit, it marks the 4th stage of Integrating.
Coming apart (stages 6-10):
As chapter two of the song continues, the lyrics continues as follows ‘Let's meet up today. Gots bout an hour or two. You might as well come thru. We can make it like it was. Just the two of us. Back up on that rollercoaster. Like we been supposed to. Cause this isn't.’ The fact that they are no longer enjoying that rollercoaster feeling in stage 2 and that they are going through the motions of a relationship of meeting up, they are at the 8th stage of Stagnation. There is practically no sense of excitement and that the partners are starting to feel alienated from each other. Most of the time, as reality shows, this type of relationship usually completes the cycle at Stage 10 of Termination. It may be due to many reasons like boredom, unrealistic expectation of each other, or even a simple reason that they don’t feel like continuing.
This brings me to my discussion about the type of relationship youngsters are going through. Many, though not all relationships, escalates very quickly and reaches the most exciting stage of Intensifying in a very short period of time. Some of them even bypass Stage 2 of Experimenting, where the two people could engage in more self disclosure.
Therefore, at the next phrase of coming apart, it is when couples face the grief as they lost that emotional support they would have gotten if they remain as couples. Sadly, in the modern days, as youngsters terminate a relationship, they start hunting for another one to replace their feelings of loneliness. Once they reach the stagnation stage and feels bored, there goes another termination. As this spiral continues, we can never keep track of the number of broken hearts and the amount of emotional damage caused.
Therefore, it is always wise to first contemplate on the reason to why one initiates a relationship, rather than letting the emotions rule the mind. Relationship takes time to develop, thus rushing through the early stages of foundation, is a dangerous move. So, for a lasting relationship, it is always recommended that both parties take one step at a time to work it out and develop healthy interaction patterns. In addition, it is also important to understand what you base your relationship on. Is it that physical beauty that you are looking for? Or are your relationship based on the values and beliefs both of you share?
So what is your take when it comes to having a relationship?
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Should I or Shoud I not?
Source Type: Policy
What do you see in this punchline?
Apparently, we see an elated man sitting in between a pair of indifferent married couples. However, this punchline is actually applying nonverbal communication to illustrate something deeper than what it meets the eye. It is interesting to discover that through the application of nonverbal communication, we are able to pick up the little details to draw comprehensive conclusion.
Let us first look at the big picture by observing its objectics – the study of how meanings are conveyed through physical objects. Looking at the environment object, specifically the double-sized bed, we intuitively understand that it is a personal territory which is only reserved for married couples. However, this personal space is invaded by an unwelcomed outsider. Furthermore, as we look into the area of proxemics, the study of space and distance, it explains that an intimate zone is supposes to be enjoyed by the couple only. Clearly, this punchline is displaying a distancing of the couple caused by the man in the center. Also, viewing at this picture upfront, there is a huge contrast of the physical appearance in terms of the dressing between the couple in their pajamas and the man in his blazer. Up to this point, we can conclude that the smartly dressed person is representing our government who is confident about its Baby Bonus Policy. By extending the maternity leave from 12 weeks to 16 weeks and ensuring that employer pays the mother maternity benefits, our government is showing that it is taking care of the mother. As it provides one week or two consecutive week paternity leave, it is encouraging the father to support his wife after the baby is born. On top of providing day offs, it offers cash gift of $3,000 each for their 1st and 2nd child and $6,000 each for their 3rd and 4th child.
Having the general idea in mind, we shall further examine the details. In the study of body movement, kinesics, the couple expressed their unhappiness by folding their arms. It could be that the provision of cash merely connotes a payment for a task performed by the wedded, when rearing a child is totally not about executing an assignment. Their affect displays are complemented by their facial displays where the couples intensify their emotions with their frowning lips. Through observing their eye movement, oculesics, it further indicates negative emotions and it signals their unwillingness to relate to each other.
After realizing the non-involvement of most married couples, it really brought me thinking about the root of their reasons. It could be due to the after-effect of our previous policies in the 1970s where people are exposed to slogans like “We have attained a high standard of living. Let’s keep it.” Furthermore, Singapore is a rapidly developing country where we live in a society of a relatively high stress level. As such, most of our working class focus on moving up the career ladder and neglect their social life. Also, as our cost of living increases, the cost of upbringing escalates. How much does it cost to provide for a child’s daily expenses, education fees, medical fees, and their extra wants in which they demand from their parents when they enter into their adolescent stage? More support is definitely needed than just having leaves from workplace and receiving cash. Looking from the angle of the Small Medium Enterprise (SMEs), it is a daunting task to find replacement for pregnant women and at the same time keeping their production uninterrupted. Hence, employers may hesitate to employ them or might even lay them off. To reduce on those uncertainties, those women may come to a decision to postpone or not to give birth at all.
Perhaps there is more to be done to come up with supportive policies where working mothers can safely stay at home, yet not affecting the productivity of the companies. At the same time, there could be more parent and child support measures that relief the cost of rearing children over the course of the years.
A businessman once commented, “Having a child is an investment that loses money.” This mindset is ought to be changed. Our government could apply nonverbal communication to execute more policies by stop talking about it and support parentage through action instead.
What do you see in this punchline?
Apparently, we see an elated man sitting in between a pair of indifferent married couples. However, this punchline is actually applying nonverbal communication to illustrate something deeper than what it meets the eye. It is interesting to discover that through the application of nonverbal communication, we are able to pick up the little details to draw comprehensive conclusion.
Let us first look at the big picture by observing its objectics – the study of how meanings are conveyed through physical objects. Looking at the environment object, specifically the double-sized bed, we intuitively understand that it is a personal territory which is only reserved for married couples. However, this personal space is invaded by an unwelcomed outsider. Furthermore, as we look into the area of proxemics, the study of space and distance, it explains that an intimate zone is supposes to be enjoyed by the couple only. Clearly, this punchline is displaying a distancing of the couple caused by the man in the center. Also, viewing at this picture upfront, there is a huge contrast of the physical appearance in terms of the dressing between the couple in their pajamas and the man in his blazer. Up to this point, we can conclude that the smartly dressed person is representing our government who is confident about its Baby Bonus Policy. By extending the maternity leave from 12 weeks to 16 weeks and ensuring that employer pays the mother maternity benefits, our government is showing that it is taking care of the mother. As it provides one week or two consecutive week paternity leave, it is encouraging the father to support his wife after the baby is born. On top of providing day offs, it offers cash gift of $3,000 each for their 1st and 2nd child and $6,000 each for their 3rd and 4th child.
Having the general idea in mind, we shall further examine the details. In the study of body movement, kinesics, the couple expressed their unhappiness by folding their arms. It could be that the provision of cash merely connotes a payment for a task performed by the wedded, when rearing a child is totally not about executing an assignment. Their affect displays are complemented by their facial displays where the couples intensify their emotions with their frowning lips. Through observing their eye movement, oculesics, it further indicates negative emotions and it signals their unwillingness to relate to each other.
After realizing the non-involvement of most married couples, it really brought me thinking about the root of their reasons. It could be due to the after-effect of our previous policies in the 1970s where people are exposed to slogans like “We have attained a high standard of living. Let’s keep it.” Furthermore, Singapore is a rapidly developing country where we live in a society of a relatively high stress level. As such, most of our working class focus on moving up the career ladder and neglect their social life. Also, as our cost of living increases, the cost of upbringing escalates. How much does it cost to provide for a child’s daily expenses, education fees, medical fees, and their extra wants in which they demand from their parents when they enter into their adolescent stage? More support is definitely needed than just having leaves from workplace and receiving cash. Looking from the angle of the Small Medium Enterprise (SMEs), it is a daunting task to find replacement for pregnant women and at the same time keeping their production uninterrupted. Hence, employers may hesitate to employ them or might even lay them off. To reduce on those uncertainties, those women may come to a decision to postpone or not to give birth at all.
Perhaps there is more to be done to come up with supportive policies where working mothers can safely stay at home, yet not affecting the productivity of the companies. At the same time, there could be more parent and child support measures that relief the cost of rearing children over the course of the years.
A businessman once commented, “Having a child is an investment that loses money.” This mindset is ought to be changed. Our government could apply nonverbal communication to execute more policies by stop talking about it and support parentage through action instead.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Once a convict, always a convict?
Source Type: Campaign & Documentary
Suppose you own a listed company. One day an interviewee walks up to you and introduce himself as an ex-convict. What is the immediate image of him that you form in your mind? Clearly, each of us holds different perceptions of the people around us, regardless of whether we know them personally or not. Unfortunately, most of the derived assessment about others contains misinformation that distorts the truth behind them. What if the ex-convict had already realized his mistakes eons ago, but was still unable to be accepted for a job due to his past? This is an unfair treatment to them, and it is due to the societies’ deep-rooted perception of an ex-offender.
“Help unlock the second prison” as the slogan of the Yellow Ribbon Campaign goes. “Every year 11,000 ex-offenders are released from prison, yet many continue to carry the label that is our prejudice. Help them put their past behind them.”
To view their website, check out this link: http://www.yellowribbon.org.sg/pages/crossroads.html
Since selection is a critical aspect of perception that influences our communication and behavior, it is often the culprit of perceptual errors. Our mistake of over-prioritizing the most noticeable, but the unimportant information, may lead us to the pathway of oversimplification. We only select the fact about their past, but overlooked the possibility of a change in their behavior as well as their attitude in the present. No wonder we see the appearance of the word “second prison”, where they are unable to be freed from our prejudice.
Concurrently, as we try to organize the myriad of information around us, we subconsciously rely on prototype as a convenient template for us to categorize groups of people. Hence, we often associate people with tattoo to have connections with the underworld and that “masterpiece” on their body as a logo of their gang tribe. However, using this method to draw conclusions will cause us to have a tendency to ignore individual details that could easily lead us to stereotyped responses that birds of the feather flock together.
What if that piece of tattoo was not totally intended by them but was forced by the wrong company they mixed with while they were at their adolescent stage? This brings us to the next question of how we attach meaning to what we select and organize information- interpretation. Are we making a dispositional attribution to the underlying cause of their behavior, and assume that they are born with evil intentions thus crafting tattoo and committing crimes?
Here’s a real life example from a television documentary, Tuesday Report, on 9Sep08, telecasting the life of Mr Paul Ang Chiong Kiet. He was an ex-offender who has an extraordinary childhood where fighting was his favorite past-time. As years goes by, he took up drugs and was put behind the bars. While he was in jail, he found out that his mother was diagnosed with cancer. He prayed to God to allow him to have a chance to take good care for his mum for at most 3 months after his release. Indeed, his prayer request came true and his mum pass away after 3 months. He was agonized, but was determined to quit his habit, and he did it. Fortunately, when he wanted to enroll into Chin Lian Bible college to become a pastor, his dean did not look down on but accepted him. Mr Paul was filled with gratefulness towards his dean who acted differently to the rest, and was willing to remove the label of prejudice that the society holds. Today, Pastor Paul shares with the other ex-offenders about his life and makes a difference to their life by encouraging them to walk out of their past.
In retrospect, if not for the dean, he will not have this day. The dean’s mental process of selection, organization and interpretation of ex-offenders like Mr Paul was neither distorted, influenced nor colored by the common societal views.
Are we conveniently holding the thought that “Once a convict, always a convict”? Should we pause for a moment to reflect on our own process of perception?
Suppose you own a listed company. One day an interviewee walks up to you and introduce himself as an ex-convict. What is the immediate image of him that you form in your mind? Clearly, each of us holds different perceptions of the people around us, regardless of whether we know them personally or not. Unfortunately, most of the derived assessment about others contains misinformation that distorts the truth behind them. What if the ex-convict had already realized his mistakes eons ago, but was still unable to be accepted for a job due to his past? This is an unfair treatment to them, and it is due to the societies’ deep-rooted perception of an ex-offender.
“Help unlock the second prison” as the slogan of the Yellow Ribbon Campaign goes. “Every year 11,000 ex-offenders are released from prison, yet many continue to carry the label that is our prejudice. Help them put their past behind them.”
To view their website, check out this link: http://www.yellowribbon.org.sg/pages/crossroads.html
Since selection is a critical aspect of perception that influences our communication and behavior, it is often the culprit of perceptual errors. Our mistake of over-prioritizing the most noticeable, but the unimportant information, may lead us to the pathway of oversimplification. We only select the fact about their past, but overlooked the possibility of a change in their behavior as well as their attitude in the present. No wonder we see the appearance of the word “second prison”, where they are unable to be freed from our prejudice.
Concurrently, as we try to organize the myriad of information around us, we subconsciously rely on prototype as a convenient template for us to categorize groups of people. Hence, we often associate people with tattoo to have connections with the underworld and that “masterpiece” on their body as a logo of their gang tribe. However, using this method to draw conclusions will cause us to have a tendency to ignore individual details that could easily lead us to stereotyped responses that birds of the feather flock together.
What if that piece of tattoo was not totally intended by them but was forced by the wrong company they mixed with while they were at their adolescent stage? This brings us to the next question of how we attach meaning to what we select and organize information- interpretation. Are we making a dispositional attribution to the underlying cause of their behavior, and assume that they are born with evil intentions thus crafting tattoo and committing crimes?
Here’s a real life example from a television documentary, Tuesday Report, on 9Sep08, telecasting the life of Mr Paul Ang Chiong Kiet. He was an ex-offender who has an extraordinary childhood where fighting was his favorite past-time. As years goes by, he took up drugs and was put behind the bars. While he was in jail, he found out that his mother was diagnosed with cancer. He prayed to God to allow him to have a chance to take good care for his mum for at most 3 months after his release. Indeed, his prayer request came true and his mum pass away after 3 months. He was agonized, but was determined to quit his habit, and he did it. Fortunately, when he wanted to enroll into Chin Lian Bible college to become a pastor, his dean did not look down on but accepted him. Mr Paul was filled with gratefulness towards his dean who acted differently to the rest, and was willing to remove the label of prejudice that the society holds. Today, Pastor Paul shares with the other ex-offenders about his life and makes a difference to their life by encouraging them to walk out of their past.
In retrospect, if not for the dean, he will not have this day. The dean’s mental process of selection, organization and interpretation of ex-offenders like Mr Paul was neither distorted, influenced nor colored by the common societal views.
Are we conveniently holding the thought that “Once a convict, always a convict”? Should we pause for a moment to reflect on our own process of perception?
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
The invisible power
Source Type: Advertisement
Have you ever had such an experience: the urge to succumb to a person whom you do not know? Think about it again. Now, think simple and look around at the varied of things you posses, or those that you are about to own. What is that mysterious driving force which lures us to part with our wealth? It is a simple yet overlooked word: Language. Specifically, it is the power of persuasive rhetoric.
Have you ever had such an experience: the urge to succumb to a person whom you do not know? Think about it again. Now, think simple and look around at the varied of things you posses, or those that you are about to own. What is that mysterious driving force which lures us to part with our wealth? It is a simple yet overlooked word: Language. Specifically, it is the power of persuasive rhetoric.
It is amazing to discover how reputable banks employ the different modes of persuasion to sway their audiences. As private sectors, they are facing competition among their counterparts in the same industry. It is interesting to note how these three banks use three different ways differentiate their product and also to move the hearts of their potential customers.
Try analyzing this 1st bank: Citibank
The usage of bold and curvilinear title “Lavish Indulgences”, accompanied with the silky-textured backdrop, it encourages the reader to feed their wants. The words at the side of the article read as follows. “Haute Couture. Pre-a-porter. Vogue styles. These are but the lovely makings of an episode of luxurious shopping. Indulge in a minute. Or revel for hours. It is after all a lavish indulgence that only measures up to your fine stature. This is Paragon’s Luxury Shopping Weekend- exclusive to you, our privileged card members.” By the use of emotionally-evoking words, or pathos, Citibank encourages the affluent, or those who wants to appear wealthy, to buy in their argument.
What do you think about this 2nd bank: HSBC
Clearly in the newspaper advertisement above, HSBC shows us the pressing issue of rising prices that we are currently facing. “Prices are on the rise, fast. Which unfortunately also causes your wealth to erode. When the cost of living goes up, the value of your money falls. Here’s an example- in the inflation rate stays at 5% every year, a million-dollar nest egg would be worth less than $359,000 in 20 years. While you can’t prevent prices from rising, you can protect your wealth from dwindling with strategic investments that can help you to outsmart the effects of inflation.” The logical approach, or logos, is HSBC bank’s strategic approach. Logos has the cognitive effect of making the source look prepared and knowledgeable to the audience. Indeed, the time value of money concepts indicates that if the bank’s interest rate is lesser than the inflation rate, we are losing money every year. Thus, it is proposing a solution to customers who base their decisions on logical thinking.
The 3rd approach by: UBS
True enough, when customers decide to entrust their wealth to an entity, they are looking for credibility, also known as ethos. “What can you be sure in times like this?” starts of as UBS bank’s persuasion. As it continues, it uses words like “we remain committed and focused” to ensure the customers about its “knowledge and experience”. It also further assures their clients about the “certainties of its relationships with our clients” and the fact that their “commitment is unwavering”. In doing so, UBS is imposing goodwill of its image towards the audience. Moreover, the use of an image of a typical financial advisor enhances the willingness of UBS to patiently develop enduring and long lasting relationship with its valuable clients.
On retrospect, which is the best approach? Clearly, the credibility of a bank does not solely depend on their ability to convince audience through a piece of advertisement. There are many factors that an informed client should consider. For example, if a bank was involved in a financial scandal, even the best persuasive language remains futile.
On a side note, have you ever wondered who the influential founder of the three persuasive techniques was? He is one of our ancient Greek philosophers, Aristotle. Speaking about psychic power, don’t you think Aristotle has it too?
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